The Wondercup

Have you heard about the Wondercup?

No, it's not a proposal for another footie cup for the big, rich clubs but something aimed at the hearts of many men.

And it is not to be confused with the smiliarly-named trophy challenge of the Bay Area Science and Innovation Consortium.

No, this Wondercup is the male equivalent of that amazing invention for women - the Wonderbra!

Designed and marketed by a cheekily-named company, aussieBum, the Wondercup is designed for the following:

The new 'wondercup' technology in these attention-grabbing, all-cotton Patriot briefs will have you seriously looking bigger and feeling amazing.

Take a gander below ...











So there you have it. Cleverly designed to hit men right where they hang, these "wonderjocks" are meant to, er, enhance a man's "masculinity" right where they can be projected and appreciated.

Yeah, right.

Contrary to what you might think, the art of (male) padding is not new. In days of yore, matadors or bullfighters were reportedly high on the practise.

Matadors don tight clothes for a bullfight, to reduce the chances of being caught by a sharp horn. This is the opposite of duellists, who wear billowy clothes in order to fool their opponents on the exact location of their hearts.

Tight clothes also means tight pants and apparently a matador's tight pants inevitably draws interest from the feminine section of the crowd. Therefore the matador ensures that having drawn a senorita's eyes to that particular area, the senorita's interest be perked further by a display of, er, substantial manhood.

Matadors reportedly use folded handkerchiefs to, uhm, boost their personal display.

In the event of an unfortunate incident, like the bull winning, the matador's seconds explain away the padding as extra protection.

Most matadors apparently use up to 3 or 4 handkerchiefs for this purpose, and there were reports of a few rogues going up to seven handkerchiefs.

The fact that the practise went on for a considerably long time attests to the effectiveness of the ploy.

And with the advent of the modern Wondercup, one cannot help but come to the conclusion that contrary to conventional wisdom ...

... Yes - senoritas do look at your bullfighting tackle.

So, dear male readers, don't take my word for it. Seek thy handkerchiefs and go forth in a display of turgid manhood!

A word of caution, though.

History does not record whether truly besotted senoritas were disappointed when the candy was finally revealed from its wrappings ...

The writer disclaims all responsibilities and/or liabilities arising from the usage of any male paddings that results in unfulfilled expectations from persons of the feminine gender or those inclined that way.