A Perfect Weekend

TOURE: Oi! Who leggo a ripe one then? CESC: Phew! Fresh air! I need air!

The Arse 2
(Der Pussie 83rd, Le Capitaine 94th)

Man Ure 1
(Rottweiller 53rd)

Since this pretends to be a serious blog, there will be no deliberate gloating. Nor jeering. Nor will snooks be cocked. Nor raspberries blown.

The losers will be treated with utmost respect (MWAHAHAHAHA!) *.

* Except for the occasional, and perfectly normal, outbursts from the writer that are beyond his control.

ManUre started off brightly, with Sir Alex surprisingly stringing 5 across the midfield, probably in anticipation of Arsene's usual big game formation.

But Arsenal played both Adebayor and Henry up front and so ManUre had the lion's share of the opening exchanges.

The first 2 occasions we had the ball, we lost possession so fast that Gooners everywhere must have been squirming in their seats in agony. Wondering if the Karma Police were homing in to exact retribution for unseemly celebrations at Old Trafford not so long ago.

We only got to grips after 15 minutes or so, Cesc finally able to spread passes to the rest of the midfield quartet when Adebayor started playing the role of ball-winner instead of making runs off the ball.

There were other positives - Eboue kept Cristina quiet on our left flank while Clichy was doing a decent job on Rooney on the other.

We had a few chances but we either over-elaborated or snatched at shots. Until the 33rd minute when Le Capitaine received a glorious cross from Adik Bayor on the right but headed it straight at Van Der Sar.

Then on the 37th Gary Neville a.k.a. Captain Manure barged into Henry but MIB Steve Bennett waved penalty appeals away. Video replays showed exactly what a twat of a referee he was.

It looked like a quietly engrossing half until near the end when Wak "Mental" Lehmann punched a cross away and Rooney returned it with a shot that the German barely tipped away in a great save.

Sometimes I think he deliberately creates these sort of situations just so he can get some attention by pulling off great saves as a result. Of course sometimes they don't work, and he has looked pretty silly as a result.

His next save was brilliant (and he didn't have to create it). Henrik Larsson thumped a solid header down to the right post and Jens palmed it away - in front of Clichy's raised boot.

But there was no real danger actually, despite the impression given by last night's obviously ManUre-biased commentators - who seemed easily aroused to near-orgasmic heights by Cristina's dainty footwork or by one of the Rottweiler's ponderous runs.

Come the second half and we started to move the ball well around the park but somehow we fell asleep in the 53rd when Cesc failed to pick up Evra on a darting run into our box.

Evra's cross was met by the Rottweiler and the commentators started singing hymns about his supposed big-game "temperament" - the game against Portugal in the World Cup conveniently forgotten, of course.

Gooners, and probably most of Toxteth, went "faaaaaarrrrk!" in unison.

Personally I believed that we would still win, even at that point.

We were moving and linking well. We had created some decent chances (mostly wasted by Rosicky or blocked by a defender). They were looking tired, even when they had scored.

And most importantly, I was wearing my bootleg Arse colours (we had won every time I wore that thing during a match, so there ...!)

But it looked heavy going. Rosicky wasted 2 more chances. Then overhit 2 crucial passes. Then passed to the wrong man. I was ready to murder him.

Then Sir Alex made an error which in hindsight seems to be fatal. He took off Cristina.

Now Cristina had been quiet the whole night, true enough, but his pace meant that Eboue was stuck baby-sitting him especially with Gilberto not playing.

Once Cry-baby went off, the right flank was lightly defended. Heinze was sticking to Cesc in the middle while Evra was sticking to Rosicky - Rosicky's many attempts was making them nervous.

However the equaliser came in the 83rd through Cesc and Rosicky beating their men, through sheer tenacity, or rather, through sheer bloodymindedness.

Losing the ball to Scholes and then winning it back again in a 4-man scramble, Cesc sent Rosicky away down the right and Tomas drove the ball towards Henry waiting in the middle with Vidic.

Le Capitaine tried a cheeky heel which didn't come off but touched the ball away from Captain Manure. It was enough for der Pussie, racing from deep midfield, to wallop home (and in the process breaking a metatarsal on his left foot and will be out for 6 weeks).

OUCH! Der Pussie broke his BeckhamOwen-bone on that foot

At this point the unbeaten record at the Emirates was safe, but every Gooner was willing the team on. We wanted to win, or else say goodbye for certain to the title chase.

Finally the team delivered. In injury time, no less.

Pouncing on a loose ball in midfield, Cesc picked out Eboue - running free with Cristina on the bench. The man from Ivory Coast galloped down the flank, exchanged a one-two with Rosicky (who after his goal-making cross seem to pass better) and delivered a glorious cross to Henry's head.

Le Capitaine didn't make the same mistake twice and this time smashed the ball past Van der Sar.

Unsung Hero Award: Eboue kept Cristina quiet the whole night, then delivered a glorious cross to his captain to convert for the match-winner

It was all over. Arsene raised both arms in triumph, Henry and Adik Bayor danced a pelvic jig and Sir Alex turned puce.

The Emirates Stadium, despite its brief history, now has a famous legend to its name.

MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!

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