Survival is a state of mind

Your craft is warming up on the launch pad.

You got your shades on, and your eyes dart every which way as you do the final inspection walk around it.

You complete the circuit and nod to yourself, satisfied.

The engines are purring nicely - the maintenance crew was the best you could find in the area.

You're fully loaded and you're ready to rock and roll.

But there's something still missing.

You turn to Junior and bark out your query.

"Mama mana? Takkan tak siap lagi?"

After the inevitable shrug of the shoulder and the resultant smack on the head, Junior races back to check.

Leaving you to ponder on one of the greatest mysteries of life:-

How is it that despite giving a 7-day notice, a 24-hour reminder and a 3-hour headstart you still end up fuming impatiently in the car waiting for the missus to be ready to Balik Kampung?

Just face it. You can't do anything about it - it is a Hukum Alam (Law of Physics).

So just chill - it's the school holidays and to start your Balik Kampung drive with a petty argument with your partner is a sure way of increasing your accident risk.

Whether you're the man or the woman, just don't start it.

Angry drivers drive aggressively - they drive faster and take greater risks.

So your argument might well end up killing everyone two hours later. Think about that.

Rule 1 - Everybody be nice to everybody else at the start of the journey.

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So now smiling at everyone, you start rolling the car down the driveway and for junior to lock up the gates when ...

"Alamak! I think the water boiler tak switched off lah!"

So another five minutes in the stationary car waiting for someone to check it out.

Finally it's done and you get going at last.

Five kilometres on and suddenly someone realises that ...

1. The baby formula/Raya cookies/someone's medication is left on the kitchen table, or

2. A piece of luggage/ disposable diapers/ a child is not on board or,

3. The set of house keys that were supposed to be left with the neighbours are still in the car.

Now, nothing frazzles a driver more than having to turn back to the house after getting well under way.

And a frazzled driver is more likely to get angry and, again, therefore more liable to kill everyone.

And he doesn't need an axe to do it.

Rule 2 - Check and make sure you've got everything (and everyone) well before before taking off.

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Okay, so you did all that nicely and you're humming along the PLUS highway heading for the boondocks when ...

"Abah, this thingamajig is stuck/how do you fold this sunvisor/ can we have Era instead of MinxFM/ have you seen my sunglasses, I swear it was in the glovebox ... "

Before you know it, the car had drifted out of its lane and, if you're just a little bit unlucky, you'll end up sideswiping the adjacent car.

Hopefully you're not on a dual carriageway instead and had drifted directly in front of an oncoming 25-tonne petrol tanker.


Rule 3 - The Driver shall NOT be responsible for anything except the driving.

This means the responsibility for everything else falls on the co-pilot i.e. the non-driving spouse/partner.

This also means nobody even speaks to the Driver, except for the co-pilot.

There was a fairly high-profile MPV crash with multiple fatalities sometime back.

The driver was allegedly distracted by a child dropping something onto the cabin floor. The co-pilot was a bloke sleeping off some beers he had consumed earlier.

The distracted Driver drove the MPV into an oncoming car and killed everyone. Only the Driver survived.

This is serious business, folks.

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OK, let's suppose you get that one right too and so you're cruising peacefully as the road goes on.

And on.

And on.

The problem with peaceful is that it's boring. Like Switzerland.

So before you know it, the cool wind in your hair is making your head grow heavy and your sight go dim.

You smell colitas in the air and start seeing shimmering lights in the distance.

Oik, wake up! - you're falling asleep at the wheel - another leading cause of fatal crashes.

You need some distraction, so you look at your co-pilot for help, only to find her/him sleeping like a baby.


Rule 4 - The person in the front passenger seat must never be asleep.

The greatest danger to a Driver is drowsiness.

This is where the co-pilot is so crucial. He/she is responsible for making sure the Driver is OK at all times.

Just don't let the Driver get drowsy. Ever.

There was this time when I was shuttling between JB and KL every fortnight for 14 months.

What I found out during those tedious drives is that apart from pulling over and sleeping it off, you can only fight off drowsiness effectively by talking or munching continuously.

Apparently the continuous motion of the jaw keeps you awake.

Yakking works best, as it keeps the Pilot's brain active; but if you find yourself alone at the wheel then chewing some gum is the best alternative I know.

So keep that jaw moving.

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Having said that, the next rule that you should take to heart.

Rule 5 - Know your limits.

Know the limits of your vehicle, the limits of the traffic condition you're in and lastly your own physical limits.

For example, don't be stupid and attempt a long-distance drive while fasting. Break your fast.

Or trying to do so despite just two hours of sleep the previous night. Get enough rest.

And lastly, ...

Rule 6 - Forget the destination, enjoy the journey

The problem with our daily obsession with "keeping our eye on the ball", in "staying focused on our objective" to ensure that we "stay ahead of the competition" is that we forget to enjoy the journey.

Stay loose. Stop at a kampung stall to try a simple bowl of noodles or just to have a cuppa.

The kampung or the hotel can wait - you're on holiday after all.