Kuyt Dutch finds G-spot

Poo 2
(Kuyt 29th, Alonso 79th)
Toons 0

Match stats ... Yellow: Garcia (Poo) 49th, Moore (Toon) 62nd, SHOTS (on target/total): Poo 11/22, Toon 6/11

In response to numerous aspersions cast upon his sense of intimate geography (in pubical proportions) by rightly wroth Anfieldic bloggers, namely a female Malaysian called Lily the Poo, Kuyt the Dutchman at last proved that given enough chances, even he can score ... a goal that is.

In a match against a side chasing after his signature in the last transfer window, Dirk deigned to toe poke a cross from Finnan in the 29th minute to score his 150th goal of his career and Liverpool's first in 344 minutes of competitive play.

A long-awaited goal from the Feyenoord near-Flop (not quite rivalling the wait for the first truly Crotchless goal last season) was also accompanied by the rarest of rare gems - a goal from Xabi Alonso.

Alonso's last goal was an stupendous effort from within his own half scored in the FA Cup 5th round in January this year, beating a hapless Marlon Beresford of Luton who had come upfield in the last minutes to add weight to a Luton attack.

Uncannily, the latest from Xabi was also a looooong-range effort (60+ yards) from the centre circle this time, and in this case he was abetted by (Shay Given's stand-in) Steve Harper's stumbling and slipping on the turf.

The otherwise excellent Harper was exonerated by manager Glenn Roeder who also grudgingly said, "If he doesn't slip it's a great long pass into his hands, but it's still a hell of a bit of skill [from Alonso]."

Things did not end as amicably as in similiar Boys Own stories and vain penalty appeals from both sides were followed by fisticuffs and handbags in the players tunnel.

Rumours had it that Craig Bellamy was at the centre of the spat (as if he could stay away) with his former team-mates after enduring an evening of abuse from the travelling Toon Army.

Anyway, congratulations all ye Scousers wherever ye are.