I See Things

The other day I mentioned to the stressed-out minx that I liked a particular song playing at that time on MinxFM … sorry, that’s MixFM.

She just snorted, “Jiwang …!” – which is what stress does to you, by the way … but she missed the point actually.

What amuses me are the lyrics in the chorus …

"I told myself I wouldn’t miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes"

Due to the influence of an evil twin in one of my past lives, the last two lines would never fail to make me chortle inwardly because I'm thinking a different type of hair now - which makes the next line even, *cough, tastier.

And in case you think I'm making a meal out of two measly lines, here's the whole context ...

BETTER THAN ME
I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I wouldn’t miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

See? Lies - guilt -bed - nightgown ?

Yeah, yeah - I know what you're thinking - that I’ve got a filthy mind.

I won't really agree, mind.

My evil twin, though not strictly a biological brother, was someone who sees things a bit differently - yes, a bit like Haley Joel Osment in The Sixth Sense.

Where Osment sees ghosts, my evil twin sees verbal filth. Seriously.

And it rubbed off on me.

It happened like this – one fine day during the fasting month, we were watching a pre-Raya variety show on TV in the school canteen.

I couldn’t figure out why he was grinning like a crazed nut.

He told me to pay attention to both the visuals and the lyrics.

After a bit, I got it.

A very well known and equally well-endowed diva was shaking her crowded balcony at a TV audience while singing this Raya song …

"Sudilah rasa kuihku,
Pilihlah yang mana satu,"

Trans.
Do taste my cookies,
Just pick the one you fancy.

Oh yeah …

I was never quite the same again after that.

But am I really seeing things that aren’t there?

I know some writers, not just songwriters, have a wicked sense of humour (for example Lily the Poo) and I can’t help but think that not a few would have had foisted a dirty joke or two upon an adoring and unsuspecting public.

My copy of Stephen Hawking’s book (paperback) while titled "A Brief History of Time", also carries the tagline of “From the Big Bang to Black Holes”.

Which is technically correct by the way – not just the terms but sequentially too.

The universe did start with the Big Bang and star systems die off when they collapse into black holes.

So who says physicists don’t have fun at work? Even if they’re quadriplegics zooming around in a motorized wheelchair.

Lastly, if you believe this is a modern trend, perish that very thought.

You don’t believe me?

Let’s dissect something old from our revered Seniman Agung.

Aci, Aci buka pintu,
Nana balik hai pukul satu,
Jangan takut burung hantu,
Nana bawak tongkat semambu.

Nana, Nana, lekas pulang,
Aci takut tinggal seorang,
Belakang rumah ada jembalang,
Mata sepet, hidungnya belang.

Aci, Aci jangan takut,
Nana ada hai parang kontot,
Hantu syaitan semua kecut,
Kalau nampak gerenti cabut.

TRANS:
Male (Nana):
Aci, Aci open the door,
I am back now, it’s 1 am,
Don’t be afraid of the damned owl,
I have with me a semambu staff.

Female (Aci):
Nana, Nana hurry back home,
I am afraid, I’m home alone,
Behind the house, there is a demon,
With slanted eyes and a stripey nose.

Male:
Aci, Aci, don’t be afraid,
I have with me a short parang,
Devils and demons are all afraid,
If they see it, they’ll soon run off.

(Note: the translation tries to remain faithful to the song by retaining the same number of syllables each original line. Try singing it in English.)

Everything looks innocent until you start picking out the key words.

The first key words are actually “hidung belang” (not tongkat semambu, as Leen & Babe would automatically think).

Now the Aci is complaining about a jembalang (demon) with mata sepet (slanted eyes) who is hidung belang (stripey nosed).

Thing is, hidung belang is 60's slang for an itchy horny fella.

So Aci actually is worried about an itchy, horny neighbour behind her house.

So does that rile up our hero, Nana?

Not exactly in the way we’d expect, innit?

If he’s Aci’s husband, he’d be breathing hellfire and brimstone on the hamsap neighbour.

But instead, he responds by extolling his own “virtues” – that he’s not a burung hantu, or owl, who just sits there with great big gaping eyes and making hooting sounds but someone equipped with a stout semambu staff ready for action (yes, in the way Leen and Babe thinks).

In fact he reacts as though he’s just another suitor to Aci-girl.

Which makes Aci-girl someone so damn hot that she’s playing both ends against the middle.

Gorblimey, you say? Damned right, you are.

Still think I see things that aren’t there?

Well the 3^rd stanza says it all.

If you have doubts that the short machete (parang kontot) is alluding to something phallic, well then you should know that it refers to a superstition among Malays that if you see a demon, the best thing you can do is to strip yourself nude – which scares them off apparently.

(Well, Malays are pretty down to earth about the aesthetics of their own bodies in those days)

So there you have it. The Seniman Agung is just another rascal like you and me.

And don't think that just because I think I see these things, it doesn’t mean that they’re not there ... hope you get what I mean there.

I'll sign off here with another song that I like ... :P

I Need You Now(More Than Words Can Say) - Firehouse
Here I am
At 6 o'clock in the morning
Still thinking about you

It's still hard
At 6 o'clock in the morning
To sleep without you
And I know that it might
Seem too late for love
All I know

[chorus]
I need you now
More than words can say
I need you now
I've got to find a way
I need you now
Before I lose my mind
I need you now

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Spuds 2
(Keane 10^th, Jenas 94^th)

Gooners 2
(Toure 53^rd, Adikbayor 78^th)

Keane scored early but then Spuds started to let the ghosts of their recent past with us haunt them.

Toure then equalised in the second half and then we hit the woodwork twice before Adikbayor put us ahead with a looping header 12 minutes from time.

Everyone thought that we’d wrap up the match but then seeing that we’ve become the drama queens of the EPL we just had to let them snatch a dramatic last-minute equalizer, innit?

Great goal from Jenas though – see, Daddy tak bias … even if they ARE scum.

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And uh, sorry for the tardy posts - it's income tax time after all ...