Teh Tarik Tales

If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, what about to a woman's heart then?



Assuming that it is her heart you're aiming for, and that she actually has one and not a cash register under that impressive bosom of course ...

... anyway, it is a question that has racked many great men that had brought them down to their ruin.



In contrast, great lovers merely go down to their knees.



Could the great secret be what someone told me a long time ago?

Din is a friend, who confessed to being a bit of a lothario when we first got to know each other.


We used to work the same night shifts and after work we'd swap stories over teh tarik at 3am at one of the many stalls that dot the Bangsar area.

Those days the KL clubs and discos stay open all night long; the KLSE was permanently on steroids and people partied much harder than they worked.

So much so that you could find black-clad party animals at nasi lemak stalls at the crack of dawn on any working day - perched on plastic stools, all bleary-eyed and wondering if they should take MC that day.

The thought that these people stayed up the whole night to spend their money while we were being paid to do the same, used to tickle us somewhat.

One particular night Din leaned over his Nescafe and said to me, You know, women are not so different actually; they only have different plumbing and wiring.

Now if you were to just listen to his stories, it would seem that Din spends an incredible amount of time thinking up plausible stories of him fending off advances from besotted females.

However if you were to watch him, you'd know that the stories are actually true.

Given that he's more pleasant rather than handsome, and hovers at the wrong end of the Cosmic Scale of Kekar-ity, then you'll understand why that whenever he turns to me to say things like that, I listened.

Din went on, Have you noticed just how much women enjoy doing things with their mouths?

Silence ... broken only by the tiny squeak of my jaw dropping in bafflement.

Really?

Seeing my face, he simply tilted his head to one side to indicate a clubbing group a few tables away.

There sat four young women and their male companions having a post-disco supper.

I turned back to Din with raised eyebrows.

He pointed a finger at his right eye, telling me to look again.

I did, and after a while I saw what he meant.

The four girls were happily yakking away while at the same time putting away servings of capati, tosai, tandoori chicken and naan bread.

In contrast, the men were quietly smoking between sips of teh tarik.

Occasionally one of the women will turn to her escort, whisper a few words in his ear and then give him a quick peck on the lips before returning to the verbal fray.

Satisfied that I saw his point, Din leaned over and continued softly.

The path to a woman's heart has a Gatekeeper - that's her mouth.

Kiss it often, feed it, keep it talking - do whatever it takes to make it happy.

Once the Gatekeeper's happy, the heart's there for the taking.

Twenty years on and Din is now on his second wife and still keeps his hand in, so to speak.

In that time I've learned how to kiss properly, how to cook and how to hold a decent conversation.

But damn ... I'm still wondering if what he told me that night is true.

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One Thousand and One ...

Reading ... 1
(Shorey 87th)

Borstal Boys ... 3
(Flamini 44th, Ade 52nd, Hleb 78th)

Fergie kicked off the EPL Mind Games 2007/8 with his "best squad" comments just ahead of our game in addition to his "we wuz robbed/threatened/unlucky" tirade last week.

In one fell swoop he boosted his players' morale and puts pressure on us to prove him wrong.

I guess the words did prey on the boys' minds when Reading parked the bus and kept us out for a good 43 minutes.

But then the Flam-Man started the move that pried the lock and 3 passes later finished it with a bobble-shot into the top left hand corner.

Reading tried a comeback right from start of the second-half but managed to only give more space for Ade & friends to grab another 3 - the 3rd goal stolen away by the linesman who wrongly flagged offside on Ade.

Ade broke his 8-match duck by finishing a nifty 3-man, 4-pass move for Arsenal's 1,000th EPL goal.

And Hleb took revenge on Gunnarson's irritating and constant fouling by taking on 3 defenders and the keeper for a superb solo goal in the 78th.

The last highlight of the match was Cesc deliberately courting a yellow card by "over-celebrating" Hleb's goal ... and the Godfather trying to keep a straight face when he described it as unfortunate.


You see, it was Cesc's 5th yellow and he misses the next game - against Wigan at home.

Which makes him available again for the match after that - at Stamford Bridge.

Cheeky sod.