A Brief History of an Underground Market

Updated with a footnote
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A long, long time ago ... far, far beneath the general public's notice ...

... in fact it was probably in the dark shadows of a cave cunningly hidden from predators and other nasty things ...

... a revolutionary recreational toy was produced.


Catering to a shadowy, *cough, niche market, it's probably er, fitting, that this very first model was made in Germany.


Made of polished siltstone and measuring 9 inches in length, it was discovered in Hohle Fels last year.


It was clear evidence that the Teutonic tribes are always at the forefront of, er, innovative technology and, *cough, applying it to the masses.


That first German model quietly caught the imagination (and fantasies) of their users.

Soon word, and probably a sample model, made their way eastwards towards the Mediterranean.

The Roman Empire, proud contributors to world civilisation, was always determined to leave their mark in every aspect.


Once it came their way, the Italians, nowadays renowned for their Bugattis, Ferraris and Lamborghinis, didn't want to trail too far behind the Germans.

Not wanting to be caught short, the Italians took the concept and extended it with this robust, er ... 2-seater model.


The Asian, er, entry into the market was belated but landed with a spectacular splash.

This beautiful, and, genuine Ming Dynasty artifact, is highly decorated and can be described as a baroque art object.

Showcasing the refined senses of the Oriental mind, the ornate model with delicate filigreed borders successfully integrated design, functionality with sensuous tactile superiority.

It's actually carved out of a SINGLE piece of jade.

Said to be even stronger than steel, wear and tear was never a problem for this jade beauty ... at least not on the jade side, I mean.

The Hohle siltstone and the Roman rock, er ... wilts in the face of this challenge but these crafty Mings went even further to stamp their superior engineering.

Exhibiting a futuristic vision that is simply breathtaking, they sculpted this beauty out of BLACK jade.

How much more cool can you get, huh?

It's purely speculation but it is entirely possible that the whole "black=stud" thing was already making its rounds those pioneering days.


Then, intent on making their mark in global trends, the Koreans entered the fray with the solid teamwork approach.


Fleshing out their "Unity is strength" philosophy, they produced entire sets instead of individual pieces.


Their products were probably the first ones that, er ... came with a manual.



Following the local competition, the Chinese Dragons consolidated their grip on the high-end market by bringing in exotic artists and even more exotic materials.




This particular model is Japanese-inspired and is made from genuine African ivory.





Finding themselves being edged out of the marketplace by superior Eastern workmanship (and cheaper prices), the West bided their time and kept themselves afloat by er, filling the void that was the accessories market.


Far from being hung up to dry and blessed by overpowering bleating power, their sheep-derived accessories hit the market with bold and exciting designs.


Organic and recyclable (wash, dry and powder after use), this kept the West afloat until they made their comeback in modern times.

The market was disrupted by numerous wars involving large areas of the globe which made supply a big problem.

This went on for so long that by the time things settled down, there were only a very small number of specialised manufacturers catering for very select clients.



Medical practitioners got into the act, with the help of Kelsey Stinner in 1880 who introduced electrical powered models into the market.


In no time at all, the market was, *cough, wide open again.


Though the number of users were increasing, the market remain secretive - so much so that truly innovative products were hawked openly on an unsuspecting national media.





It was a time when naive husbands were frequently puzzled on how their household budgets proved inadequate time upon time, little suspecting the siphoning of funds for underground purchases by their demure spouses.




Of course later, when men were sufficiently enlightened by various underground media, and when the underground media started to ooze upwards into respectability, proper R&D came into the picture.




Women world-wide celebrated the Space Age when hi-tech space research and materials became available.

Models made from exotic metals like titanium for durability and came in exotic designs shaped by the latest medical know-how.



And at the time this is written, the seamless merging of the silicon chip, the pervasive influence of music and the Internet as the marketplace, is exemplified by the following product.

* It goes where no man, or very few at least, have gone before.

* It plays to the tunes that you've stored on your iPod

* It's water-proof!!!


Behold, gentle readers ... the ultimate birthday gift.





The OhMiBod -type G*




*batteries not included




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Since the looks of the Type G (oHM)iBod has raised concerns among sensitive readers ...

... here's the Type R*.



*strictly Plug-n-Play