Karan almost shocks Poo

Lily's Poo 3
(Crotchie 9th, 52nd; Garcia 14th)

Galatasaray 2
(Umit Karan 59th, 65th)

(A Night of High-kicking Crotches and Electrifying Turks)

Poo's gangly Crotchie showed that he was willing to hang his balls in the air just to get one for his club. In a breathtaking public display of his netherly mounds, Crotchie performed an aerial spread (also known as a bicycle kick) to whack the ball past Faryd Mondragon (oooo ... real macho name, guv) in the 52nd minute for Poo's third goal of the game.

Very early on the game the Gangly One had hoofed in the first with an almost graceful jete past Faryd the Dragon off a swirling cross from Aurelio (a right, ahem, nip-py fella, one presumes ...).

Galatasaray were more turd-ish than Turkish in the early stages and thumbsucker Luis Garcia had headed in Poo's second in the 14th minute.

Eric Gerets could have mentioned "repercussions", "dull knives" and "eunuchs" in the halftime pep talk and Galatasaray walked into the second half with two of them being substituted just to drive the message home.

Hasan Sas and Umit Karan were the new faces in and Hasan immediately cut a swath through the Poo centre beating three or four Reds but overhits his through ball.

Then came Crotchie's party piece that sent the Kop through the roof.

The sight of the Crotch family jewels jiggling in the wind was probably the final humiliation for Galatasaray. All over the pitch were the sight of Turkish loins being girded and loose sphincters re-puckered.

Sabri Sarioglu struck Pepet's woody with a free-kick and Hakan Sukur's follow-up was blocked by the Pudgy One in the 55th minute. The Turks were coming and Rafa was seen eyeing Sissoko on the bench.

The end-to-end stuff started after that. Carragher's last minute saving tackle on Umit Karan was followed by Dirk the Kyut caught teasing Mondragon's woody a minute after and Stevie G played footsie from the rebound.

Poo looked vulnerable and Umit Karan (any relation to Donna Karan, one wonders) steered a hard one up Pepe's goal in the 58th.

Sabri Sarioglu was linking well with Umit Karan and the English commentators were starting to scream at Rafa to bring on Sissoko at this stage. Rafa, in a hissy fit, prepared Mark Gonzales instead.

Umit shoved his second all over Poo's goalmouth from Sabri's cross. The Turks got their tails up and the Brit pundits got spasms when Rafa sent in Gonzales for Kuyt.

From then on, it was all Galatasaray but somehow Poo held on till the end. Rafa threw in Sissoko in the 77th (Pennant out) just to please the pundits but really the Turks were themselves the ones largely responsible for Poo surviving to the end.

Hakan Sukur missed 2 great chances and one good one, Sasa Ilic scuffed a good one while (to be fair) Agger nicked another great Sabri cross away just in time.

Galatasaray were poor at the start but if only they had someone to do justice to the service provided by Sabri, Hasan Sas and others in the last 35 minutes, they would have stolen this one away.

Hasan Sukur was clearly past his sell-by date while Umit Karan, ably assisted by Sabri Sarioglu, spared the Turks a humiliation with eye-catching performances.

But in the end the points were deservedly retained by Lily's Poo on the strength of their strong showing earlier in the game.

Well done, Scousers ...