Like Father, like Son ...

I need to have a sit-down talk with my eldest son.

Not THE birds and the bees talk, the Year Six Science syllabus took care of that, but the Now-You're-A-Man talk.

His voice broke last year when he was in Form 2, beating my rite-of-passage by a full year.

Kids really do grow up fast these days (see this).

I suspect that this talk is already long overdue. It's like this ...

One fine day, Lady Cipan came to me and said that I will have to have a talk with the eldest.

I raised an eyebrow and she spilled.

Apparently one of his teachers had a session in his class and spoke about the Internet and the stuff they will need to look out for when they surf.

Of course the talk touched upon the porn available on the Net and all.

Then the teacher turned around and said,

"OK, ni Cikgu nak tanya. Cikgu nak semua orang bagi tahu secara jujur. Cikgu janji Cikgu takkan marah." (trans. the teacher announced an amnesty as long as everyone's truthful)

The whole class went pin-drop silent.

"OK. Cikgu nak tahu - siapa pernah buat, angkat tangan. Bagi tahu betul-betul. Cikgu nak tahu saja. Cikgu tak marah. Okay?" (trans. he asked for honesty and promised he won't get mad)

The whole class nodded silently.

"Okay. Siapa pernah tengok bahan lucah kat Internet, angkat tangan!" (trans. Who has surfed for porn?)

Silence and a few giggles.

And the whole class, as one, turned around and looked at my son.

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Of course, word of this reached Lady C's sister who happen to also teach at my eldest son's school and thereon the news passed on to Lady C.

Being the traditional Ganu princess, she was aghast and fobbed off the whole thing to me - being the father, to take care of the son.

The thing is, the first thought that crossed my mind was,

How the hell do I tell her that I'm actually relieved that he's normal?

After all, I've explored female anatomy (playing doctor) when I was 7 (neighbour's daughters, siblings and cousins). Heck, I even remember the rules (of playing doctor).

I started fantasising sexually and also started beating off about a year later (truly blank shots).

I saw my first piece of porn at around 10 (playing cards from Thailand) and started reading erotic literature at the same time (elder sister's collection).

By the time my Science teacher in Form One moved to the sexual reproduction chapter, it was kids stuff to most of us in Aryan Academy.

At that time, we were already exchanging with each other European full-colour porn mags (Private, Rammler, Swedish Erotica) and diligently studying such edifying tomes like the Liverpool Library Press bonk-books (now these are collectors' items and auctioned on the Internet - between US$85 to US$125 each).

Hell, we were even smart enough to know the existence of the Khajuraho Temples in India. (below)










So I had a chat with my younger brother, him being a partner in crime in most of our childhood sexual escapades, to discuss this. And we agreed on practically all points.

So when I sit down and talk with my eldest some time this week (or next), these are the points that I would be making (most probably).

1. While it is normal to want to experiment sexually, it is also a dangerous thing to do.

2. If he messes around with someone's daughter, her father will turn up at the front door and demand his head on a platter. Worse, he'll be railroaded into a shotgun marriage.

3. Professionals are best avoided - the danger of disease is as great as the probability of trauma (I mean, getting a pro who insists on eating kuaci (melon seeds) while the john is huffing and puffing on top of her will definitely be a traumatic experience for anyone)

4. If he has to do it, then he should do it with someone his own age that he really cares for. At least the act attains some sort of significance in his psyche beyond pure lust.

After all, I did just fine while adhering to all these rules.

And oh, there are a few more minor rules for him to remember ...




NEVER get carried away in a dark bar.

There's always some pervert with a digital camera skulking around these places.
















ALWAYS lock the damn door.

There are always some perverts pretending to be your friends.

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